At most, we had to wait seven more weeks to meet you.
The doctors were concerned about your growth initially, but we showed them otherwise at your 33 week ultrasound. Days before we lost you, we could see everything was perfect. It was almost time to meet you, Luna. We were all so giddy.
I’ve still yet to completely process the three days leading up to Luna’s arrival earthside, the time we spent in the hospital after that life changing emergency room visit Christmas night. Luna arrived silently into the world on December 28, 2020, without any explanation as to why her heart stopped beating. We got to spend five hours with her, loving on her, kissing her, admiring her perfectly small sweet fingers and toes.
Initially, the thought of strangers coming into our room at the most vulnerable moment in our lives was a hard no. I am so thankful for the nurse who gently wouldn’t take “no” for an answer. We were in such shock packing for the hospital that we didn’t grab Luna’s special blanket or outfit to dress her in. Our NILMDTS photographers, Melanie and Ali, searched high and low for a hat and blanket for us and created the most angelic photos. They gushed over how beautiful Luna was, holding her, talking to her, and loving on her just as if her heart was still beating, which to grieving parents, means everything. For how utterly dark the moment was, these women brought in such a warm, gentle light.
There are still times where my grief is so strong that I can bring myself back to these moments, where I feel her cold soft cheek on mine, just like we were sitting in the hospital bed, soaked in tears. Because of COVID, these photos are the only way her big sister got to “meet” her.
Having photos of Luna has been such an important piece of our family’s healing journey. I cherish the time we had with her immensely and am incredibly grateful for NILMDTS for helping to keep Luna’s memory alive.
Luna Tuna, I am so proud to be your mommy. Your life was so short but it impacted the three of us in ways we have yet to comprehend. Just because the world didn’t get to meet your physical presence doesn’t mean your soul isn’t shining brightly for everyone to see. We love you forever sweet girl.