My daughter Azalia was born and passed on October 26, 2018. At that time, I was staying in a hotel, because I had no home or job due to pre-labor in the early stages of my pregnancy. The morning of October 25th, I woke up sick. I hadn’t had morning sickness since my first trimester, and now all of a sudden I couldn’t keep anything down.
I remember my mommy taking me to Burger King and I ate a double cheeseburger meal, with onion rings and a pink lemonade. All I did was cry that day because I didn’t feel well. I called into my OB’s office because I wanted reassurance that everything was ok and they told me that I had “First Time Mommy Jitters”, so I accepted it.
I slept, tried to relax, and bathed. While in the tub, I got sick again! My gut feeling said, “Go and be seen now”, but I didn’t because I honestly thought that I was just extremely nervous. Late that night I finally went to the hospital, where my experience was terrible. I was not given the care I needed and this ultimately resulted in Azalia’s death.
My hospital experience was numbing, to say the least. I don’t remember much about it, with everything going on around me as I delivered and said goodbye to my baby all in the same breath. I do feel fortunate to have been surrounded by so many friends and family including my daughter Godmother. She is a true blessing in my life.
During my time in the hospital Heidi, a Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Volunteer Photographer, came and captured photographs of my daughter and me. It made the entire experience feel so real. Heidi was wonderful and she made everything so perfect for me. I look at my pictures every day and fall in love all over again.
My sweet princess was so chunky and beautiful! I love her, and I’m so glad that someone helped me to capture the only memories that I have left from her passing! It tears me up inside to not have her, but it makes me feel better to be able to see her picture on my wall every single day.
At first, I didn’t know what remembrance photography was, but I quickly found that those photographs meant everything to me during my grief journey. Pictures are THE only visual items that I have left of Azalia, and I love them. I feel like time stops when I’m looking at my daughter, and it makes me feel like she’s right there with me.
I believe that pictures are moments captured in time, and it’s that time that you will never get back. Pictures are precious, sentimental, and they mean everything to me. I am so glad that Heidi was able to capture the pictures of Azalia. Those are the only pictures I have of her and I will keep them as long as I have breath in my body.