A year ago, around this time, I was starting a new job. In the midst of that new season of chaos, I became pregnant. I didn’t realize I was expecting until around nine weeks, because I had chalked up all of my symptoms to working nights. As shocking as it was to find out, I was immediately filled with joy. My life dream has been to be a wife and a mom. What an incredible gift it was to carry a baby who was half me and half my now-husband.

I first saw my baby and heard his heartbeat at around ten weeks. Coming from a family of four girls—and with my oldest sister having two daughters of her own—finding out we were carrying the first boy brought a whole new level of excitement. We were blessed with the privilege of carrying a son: the first grandson, the first great-grandson, the first nephew. Every milestone felt like a dream.

Our son Jack was such an easy baby. Every scan was perfect, and my pregnancy was truly beautiful. I cherished every moment and I truly had never felt more beautiful in my life. We spent the months leading up to his birth preparing for him in every way imaginable. We bought all the things, had a gender reveal, bought a house, got married, had a baby shower, and took maternity photos. We did everything “right”—everything just as we were supposed to.

Photo by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Jen Rakestraw

On July 2nd, Jack had his last moments of perfection. We saw him around 4 p.m. on an ultrasound, where he scored perfectly on his biophysical profile. After that appointment, I never felt him move again. I went to work that night—my job keeps me busy and on my feet—but eventually when I finally sat down, I still couldn’t get my boy to move. I had a horrible gut feeling, and unfortunately, my instincts were right.

After multiple checks—by myself, nurses, doctors, and a midwife—it was confirmed that our son no longer had a heartbeat. Hearing those words shattered everything in me. We will never be the same. We were told there was of course nothing they could do and informed I would need to be induced to deliver our son—my final labor of love for our perfect boy.

On July 3rd, my induction began. As soon as our loved ones heard the news, they surrounded us with support. Our families ran to be with us, to cry with, pray with, and love on us. Our friends supported us in unimaginable ways. We spent around 24 hours softening my cervix to prepare for labor. On the 4th, induction efforts continued. I had the foley balloon placed, and it worked to dilate me as it should. Then we were able to start pitocin, which meant I was able to get an epidural. I opted to get one, because I wanted to experience the least amount of physical pain possible as I was already experiencing such excruciating pain. This was one of the moments when the reality truly sank in—I remember sobbing while the epidural was placed, holding tightly onto my nurse and my husband. I wanted to just fall over into Bryce’s arms. 

Labor continued, and my first epidural began to leak, so another was placed. About an hour and a half before Jack was born, my last sister—who had flown across the world—arrived just in time. When I knew it was time to deliver, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want it to be over. But around 10 p.m., it became clear that it was time to push.

Photo by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Jen Rakestraw

Our son, Jack Owen Dotson, was born on July 4th, 2025, at 10:24 p.m. He was stillborn, but he was the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. I delivered him surrounded by all of my sisters, my mom, Bryce’s mom, my incredible husband, and the most compassionate medical team imaginable. Every medical professional that took care of us was so so incredible to us. One of the first things I said when I saw Jack was, “He’s perfect.” And he truly was. It was such a heartbreaking sentiment. 

Jack was a full-grown baby who should be here. He was the perfect mix of my husband and me—his daddy’s ears, his mama’s nose and lips, and the most beautiful blonde hair. I wanted to memorize every detail of him.

Upon delivery, it became clear that Jack had suffered from a cord accident. The midwife immediately said, “We have your answer.” His umbilical cord had been tightly wound around his ankle twice, cutting off circulation. The section of the cord where it was constricted was visibly discolored. Having that answer, while devastating, brought a small measure of peace.

We spent the rest of that night holding our boy and soaking in every moment before we had to say goodbye. The next morning, thanks to Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS), we were able to have professional photos taken—memories we will cherish forever. At some point before we left we read this quote, “when a mother elephant loses her baby, she lies next to him and all of the members of her tribe circle around her and lay their trunks on her. Not one of them moves until she is ready to stand and move forward…”. Our nurse that morning asked if we had read that in our book, and said, “I think y’all have that.” I thank the Lord that we do. The support we have had has been matchless. 

After we gave our Jack to the kind man who was to take him to the funeral home, we packed up and walked out of the hospital. I felt like I was going to crumble with every step I took out of there. I felt so unexplainably heavy. I never imagined we’d walk out of the hospital without him in our arms. 

Our boy was so wanted and so deeply loved. We will miss our son for the rest of our lives, but we will celebrate his heavenly birthday on every Fourth of July—with fireworks, family, and all the ways we can find to honor his beautiful life.

Jack, your short life was worth every single sacrifice we made. You are loved beyond words. Heaven is lucky to have you and we find so much comfort in knowing you’re up there. Till we meet again. 

Photo by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Jen Rakestraw

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a dedicated 501(c)(3) non-profit, offers families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss with complimentary remembrance portraits, capturing precious moments with their babies. Your generous donation can help us extend this heartfelt service to more families in need. Please consider supporting us here.