His Wings Were Ready, But Our Hearts Were Not

When you become a mom you think it’s the greatest love you will ever experience. But then you are blessed with grandbabies, my littles.

That love is unexplainable from the very first grandbaby to the last!! This is a story about how a Mama tries to help her baby girl prepare and survive the loss of her own baby boy. All the while, as a Nana, I sat watching my grandbaby grow tired of fighting and my own baby girl longing to go with him.

Photograph Courtesy of the Honea Family

Milo Adler graced this earth at 31 weeks. He spent 5 weeks in the NICU before coming home. Because of the pandemic, this was my first time meeting Milo. I knew I loved him but that day I met him, my heart belonged to him.

After 8 days at home, Milo was life-flighted to the children’s hospital and spent the next 2 months in the PICU. Milo was diagnosed with liver failure and after two failed transplants his body could no longer fight.

Our daughter called and said that they were placing Milo on end of life care. All I could choke out was, “Mama and Daddy are coming home.” The hardest thing I had done to that point was taking Milo’s big brothers to say goodbye. We all said our goodbyes and I struggled to answer their angry questions of, Why.

The following day sweet Milo took his final breath laying between Mommy and Daddy in a beautiful garden. It has been almost a year and I have watched my daughter go on every day. I struggle myself too, but as a Mama, I need to make sure my baby girl survives this.

Photograph Courtesy of the Honea Family

We both know that Milo’s body was so tired and that he is no longer suffering. But our hearts are still broken and we miss him. The only way I know how to help my daughter is to love her through it. In the times where she hasn’t showered or gotten out of bed for days or the times, she sits lifeless in her car, frozen in fear. All I can do as her mama is love her and pick her up.

As a nana, my grief is strong and ugly, but I will take time to heal when my baby girl can once again function in her own grief.

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