Words cannot truly express the feeling of losing a child.  Words cannot fix the situation; all you can do is take your time.

On December 22, 2017 at 17 ½ weeks pregnant, my husband and I went into a doctor’s appointment with hopes of finding out the gender of our baby for an early Christmas present. When we were in the ultrasound room, the technician said she would try to find out the gender of baby for us, but a few minutes passed and the technician grew quiet.

I felt my heart sink into my stomach, and I asked, “Is my baby ok?”  She said, “No, I am sorry, but I cannot find the heartbeat.”

I froze, and I didn’t even know what to say.  I was rushed to labor and delivery and was given Pitocin to jump start labor.  At 9 o’clock that evening I gave birth to my daughter, Emily Rose LaForge.  Words can never express the hardship of giving birth to my baby knowing I would never hear her cry or see her take a breath.

The decisions we had to make are decisions I never thought I would ever have to make.  We chose to have our daughter cremated.  Having to make that decision was the hardest I’ve ever made, but I know it was the right decision for us.

I told my daughter the last time I held her that I would make sure her name would live on forever, and that I would never stop loving her.

Finding Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep was better than I ever could have imagined.  I knew the moment I came across the website, I was going to be ok.  It was a wonderful feeling knowing my husband and I were not alone in our grief.  I told him I wanted to find an organization where we could walk in remembrance of our daughter, Emily.  It was like fate when we found NILMDTS.

I love going to the Remembrance Walks because I feel so close to my daughter.  I love that we can dedicate a whole day to her and not have to explain why we are crying or how we are feeling because everyone there is feeling the same as we are.

This image was submitted by the LaForge family and is not a NILMDTS photograph

Knowing that the money we raise each year for the Walk is going toward helping other families who may be going through a similar situation is an incredible feeling, and letting those families know they are not alone, and never have to be, is unmatched.

This organization is amazing, helping families have photos of their beloved children.  I wish I would have known about NILMDTS sooner, but I’m so glad I found them now.

I want to be able to help families who may be going through a difficult time, regardless of where on their journey they may be.  I hope my story will reach more families who may be seeking help, so they know they don’t have to go through this alone.

In the opening, I said that words cannot truly express the feeling of losing a child, and that they cannot fix the situation. While these are just words on a paper or screen, and truly they cannot fix what I’ve been through or what another family reading this has been through, they could be the first steps on the path attempting to heal. Is it a journey that’s ever truly complete? Neither my husband nor I can say, as we are still on that path even today over 2 years later, but it’s a path we are on together with our immediate family, and our “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” family.

I just want to say thank you so much to all the wonderful people at Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.  You are all doing a wonderful job helping families and I cannot express how grateful I am to be part of the Remembrance Walks.

Join us at a 2020 Remembrance Walk, register today!

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