
Alyson Jay-Marie

When we found out we were pregnant, we were so excited. We had everything planned and ready. For our gender reveal, we had my husband's sister get a cake made for us to cut into when we were ready to know.
When we showed up to pick up the cake, the bakery brought out a large blue cake and said, "This is the only one we have." Based on the color, we immediately thought it was a boy. They later found the correct cake.
We took it home and started a video so we could keep this memory. I had dreamed it was a girl a few weeks prior, so I already had a feeling. We cut into the cake, and there was nothing. No frosting to be found. So we called his sister, and she told us we were having a little girl.
We had talked about wanting a boy for so long, and when we heard it was a girl, we were scared but excited.
In those nine months, that little girl and I became best friends. She loved listening to music, and she always had a party after dinner. She would kick me so hard sometimes that it would scare me. She also loved her dad and would kick when he talked to her.
Alyson Jay-Marie Leach was born on July 30 at 5:51 p.m. She was 7 pounds, 6 ounces and 22 inches long. We got to spend 24 hours with her. She was the cutest little thing. She had her mom's nose and dad's chin.

Baby Alyson Jay-Marie by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Meghann Street
July 30 is the worst and best day of our lives. We heard words that no parent ever wants to hear, but we also got to meet our daughter. We had been dreaming about the moment we would meet our daughter for nine long months, and to finally be able to hold her was an amazing moment, with the continuous reminder that we were not going to be able to take her home from the hospital.
That back-and-forth feeling is something that is hard to describe. Your daughter is in your arms, but only for a short time.
Alyson was healthy, and so was the entire pregnancy. So when we were told she didn't have a heartbeat at 40 weeks and 1 day, life didn't feel real. Alyson had four different scans done to look for a heartbeat, and two different doctors came to check.
Those moments of silence while waiting for the doctors' words were the worst minutes of our lives. We hoped and prayed for one of those doctors to say something different, but as time passed, the moment became real. Our sweet, innocent daughter had passed away, and nothing could be done to change that.
We were told that this can happen and that when she was delivered, they would be able to tell us more.
After delivery, they found a knot in her umbilical cord that had been pulled tight because it was also wrapped around her twice.
We wanted to share this because I had never heard of this happening. The doctor told us it happens in about 0.3% of births, with an even lower percentage of those knots becoming pulled tight. What she passed away from is called a "true knot" of the umbilical cord.

Before leaving the hospital, my husband asked to see the knot in the umbilical cord. They brought it in, and as I was holding Alyson, we got to see what had taken her life from us. My husband untied the knot because it didn't deserve to be there.
We had the kindest team working with us. They held her, talked to us about their own losses and how many of them had experienced a stillbirth, and offered support. I can't thank the team we had enough for the support they provided and continue to provide as they check in on us.
On that drive home, it felt like the world should stop. You're experiencing the worst day of your life, sitting at a stoplight and looking around while no one knows what you are going through.
Those next few weeks all felt like one day. Nothing seemed to feel real. A time in your life that was supposed to be filled with late nights and early mornings holding your daughter, changing diapers, burping her, and experiencing all of her firsts was instead filled with emptiness.
We saw so many hummingbirds in our backyard when we got home. We now think of her every time we see a hummingbird.
This little girl changed everyone's life around her. We are still her parents, and she is still our daughter. The love and care we have for our beautiful daughter will never change, and it will never go away.
Our family is so thankful for the pictures that were taken of our little girl. They have helped us move through our grief and allowed us to share her with our friends and family. They have been a huge part of navigating this loss for me and have helped me continue to share her with people.
We have wonderful remembrance photographs that allow us to do this. They give us a way to share Alyson, to remember her, and to make sure her life and the love we have for her are never forgotten.
Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a dedicated 501(c)(3) non-profit, offers families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss with complimentary remembrance portraits, capturing precious moments with their babies. Your generous donation can help us extend this heartfelt service to more families in need. Please consider supporting us here.





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