"An angel in the book of life wrote down our baby's birth. Then whispered as she closed the book, 'Too beautiful for earth.'"

Our pregnancy journey was anything but rainbows and unicorns. When Lamar and I made the decision to let nature and God take their course in May 2023, we never imagined how hard the road ahead would be. After receiving our first positive pregnancy test in September 2023, I remember thinking, “Wow, that was easy. Thank you, God, for blessing us so quickly with our baby.” We walked into our first ultrasound appointment beaming with joy. But that joy came to a heartbreaking halt when the doctor entered and said, “I’m so sorry, but there is no heartbeat. Since you haven’t miscarried naturally, I recommend a D&C.” On November 21, 2023, our first pregnancy ended in loss.

Six months later, we saw our second positive pregnancy test. This time, with the memory of loss still fresh, we held our emotions tightly in check until our first ultrasound. On June 3, 2024, we heard our baby’s heartbeat for the first time. “Yes! This is it. It’s our time now.” Because of my age, I was labeled a high-risk pregnancy, categorized as “geriatric” in medical terms; a harsh label to hear.

But after another encouraging ultrasound and routine bloodwork, Lamar and I left feeling blessed and full of hope for what was to come.

Kya Hixon by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Steve Thomas

That hope was shaken the day before my 40th birthday when I received a call from our high-risk doctor. “Ms. Holtzapple, I’m so sorry, but the results from the NIPT show a 57% chance your baby has Trisomy 18, also known as Edwards Syndrome.” We were flooded with a range of emotions: fear, confusion, and skepticism. A 57% likelihood felt impossibly vague. Over the next four months, every appointment was centered around possible outcomes related to Trisomy 18: severe birth defects, reduced life expectancy, potential termination. We endured invasive tests, including an amniocentesis, and left every visit feeling emotionally depleted.

By October, we sought a second opinion from a different high-risk maternal-fetal medicine specialist. Our amazing OB had briefed him on our situation ahead of time. I was anxious going in. What should I say? How much detail should I offer? But when he walked in and began to speak, I immediately felt the difference. This doctor was filled with compassion, honesty, and care. He made us feel seen, heard, and supported. We felt so at peace that we proceeded with the amniocentesis that day. A few days later, on a Saturday, he called personally: “Ms. Holtzapple, I’m so sorry, but the amnio came back positive for Trisomy 18.”

“There were no words I could come up with except: ‘Thanks. Goodbye.’ All hope was gone.”

Despite the devastating confirmation, our baby was thriving in the womb. She had a strong heartbeat, she was growing, and she was constantly on the move - kicking and flipping. After long, prayerful conversations, Lamar and I made the decision to continue the pregnancy. We knew our daughter, Kya Leigh, deserved the chance to write her own story. We reconnected with our faith and leaned into the peace God was offering us. Our doctor arranged for us to meet with a neonatologist at Erlanger’s NICU, where we talked through every possible outcome—from the unlikely but hoped-for miracle of a healthy baby to the heartbreaking possibility of saying goodbye shortly after birth.

In late November, a new complication arose: gestational hypertension. My blood pressure became a concern, raising red flags for pre-eclampsia. Any hope of a New Year’s baby vanished. Instead, we were scheduled for a C-section on December 13, three weeks ahead of our due date. I remember thinking, “This is it. This is the day that will tell all.”

As it turned out, we faced the worst outcome. Kya did have full Trisomy 18, and her heart had three significant, non-repairable defects. Once taken off the breathing machine, her time with us would be heartbreakingly short. Together, Lamar and I made the incredibly difficult decision to choose comfort care, which allowed us to spend uninterrupted time with our daughter in privacy, offering love instead of interventions. After her big sister Ashley and our mothers got to meet her in the NICU, Lamar and I were able to spend about three deeply meaningful hours with Kya. We held her close, kissed her endlessly, and told her stories about our farm and the ducks she would have loved to chase. We told her how much she was loved and promised her we’d see her again.

“Kya Leigh laid on my chest, where she peacefully went to sleep as God called her to be with Him.”

Kya Hixon by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Steve Thomas

Steve Thomas came from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep to capture photos for us. He was truly nothing short of being heaven-sent. He is not only an extraordinary photographer but held immense compassion, empathy, and sincerity for our family. With a warm and gentle spirit, he connected with Lamar and me on a deep emotional level, making us feel comfortable and cherished. His attention to detail and natural talent for capturing raw, heartfelt emotions shine through in every shot. He effortlessly documented the beauty of our baby girl, showcasing her innocence and joy in ways that words cannot express.

Through his lens, he not only captured images but created lasting memories. His work is a beautiful blend of artistry and genuine care, making each photo a priceless treasure.

Lamar and I are deeply grateful for Steve and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. We will cherish this experience forever.

I share our story not to seek sympathy, but in hopes of helping others walking a similar path - whether facing a diagnosis like Trisomy 18, navigating a high-risk pregnancy, or enduring the deep heartache of pregnancy loss. If you or someone you know is going through this, please hear me: there are no wrong decisions when it comes to doing what’s best for your family. Trust your instincts. Believe in your love. Every journey is different and deeply personal. Try not to compare yours to anyone else’s. Our story is a sad one, but it is also one filled with peace, faith, and unwavering love. Even if we had known the outcome with absolute certainty, we wouldn’t have changed a single thing. We carry no regrets—only the beautiful, sacred memories of the time we had with our daughter, Kya Leigh Hixon.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, a dedicated 501(c)(3) non-profit, offers families experiencing pregnancy and infant loss with complimentary remembrance portraits, capturing precious moments with their babies. Your generous donation can help us extend this heartfelt service to more families in need. Please consider supporting us here.