Father’s Day Reflections

The first thing I learned was that it’s okay to say her name. The second thing was that naming what actually happened mattered. Marion died. You can say it. I can say it. I need to say it. I need you to know she was real. That she was ours. That she was. My grief is not an abstraction. 

I am still Marion’s dad, and when you ask me how many kids I have, I answer “three” in my head before my mouth says “two.” I thought that would change, that the impulse would dwindle, but it hasn’t for me, and I get a small tinge of pain and comfort each time. I’ve come to feel grateful for that feeling.

Baby Marion Sullivan by NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer Melanie Rodger

Our family met and lost our sweet baby girl, Marion Rose Sullivan, at 6:38 pm on February 19, 2021. She was 1 lb, 6.7 oz and 12 inches at birth. The only cries in the delivery room were our own. I wrote a reflection shortly after she died that we shared with friends: 

•  It has been two months since we last held our little girl, and each day she gets farther away. Days are more normal, easier. We yearn, often, to be back in that delivery room. It’s the last place we will ever be with other people …