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  • Published On: February 2nd, 20244 min read

    Moving Forward, While Looking Back… 19 Years Closer to Maddux

    Moving Forward, While Looking Back… 19 Years Closer to Maddux

    Maddux died on February 10th, 2005. He was 6 days old.

    From day one of his death, I never considered time as being ‘one day without him.’ Instead, I always looked at the length of time as being one day closer to him.

    Early in my grief journey, I found the book titled “In a Heartbeat” by Dawn Siegrist Waltman. There is one profound quote she writes: “In a heartbeat, a life is stilled, a dream dies and Heaven becomes amazingly real.” That quote in and of itself can be the whole story.

    I will admit, I have many regrets during the deepest, heaviest parts of my grief. I lost a lot of who I was. As a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister and a friend. I don’t really know if the word “regret” is the right word to use, so bear with me on this…

    I was broken. For so many years. I poured my heart and soul into the creation of Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. I wanted other families to have the breathtaking images of their babies that I had of Maddux. I wanted them to feel the healing, hope and honor that I felt when looking at his images. With all of that amazing work, it didn’t make sense …

    [Continue Reading]

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